


i'm giving you all of my love

by localopa



Series: i won’t give up [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Comedy, Engagement, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M, Sequel, Sobriety, and also not red bull, i cried while writing the end, life after alcoholism, the true hero of the story is mark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-10 05:46:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13496084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localopa/pseuds/localopa
Summary: phil is 5 years sober and dan thinks it's just a party to celebrate it.





	i'm giving you all of my love

**Author's Note:**

> nobody asked for this, but i've been planning on writing this since half way through the last part. this is a sequel to cause even the stars they burn. highly recommend you read that first before this because a lot more will make sense. thank you to my engaged friend rachel and single friend jess for picking out the ring and for putting up with my constant moaning. big thanks to red bull for not sponsoring this because it's fucking shit and you shouldn't drink it. there is a playlist for the first part of the story on spotify. if you'd like to iisten to some tunes while you cry over this, it'll be linked in the beginning and end because i'm not that great at technology. title is from "i won't give up" by jason mraz. enjoy
> 
> xx oliver

[(cetstb playlist)](https://open.spotify.com/user/12139319072/playlist/2yVsRMqv8CcJWsBzu08TMr)

 

_ my recovery came first so that everything i love in life does not have to come last. you’re the only reason i’m alive right now.  _

 

**_step one: plan your proposal. make it about them. or don’t. buy a ring, or don’t. or at least get them a god damn ring pop._ **

 

phil’s been planning this since he hit 3 years being sober.

 

i know what you’re thinking, he’s been planning this for 2 years? what kind of weirdo does that? in his defense, it wasn’t his idea. 

 

it was mark’s idea.

 

mark came to group not long after phil had hit his first year, having a story that mirrors phil’s almost terrifyingly. the only big difference is his dan was his daughter, he’s been married for 8 years at that point with a three year old daughter. it finally hit him that if he continues this lifestyle, he’ll miss out on his daughter’s life. 

 

the first thing phil learned about mark is that he’s a hopeless romantic. he immediately attaches himself to phil, taking in every word he spoke about dan like it was the fucking bible and he’s the next messiah. the second thing he learned is mark says everything he's thinking. he word vomits his thoughts, seemingly not knowing how to keep the words in.

 

word vomiting is how the idea came to light.

 

“you should propose to dan,” mark’s eyes go wide, covering his mouth. “i’m sorry, i know you guys don’t have any plans to get married a-“

 

“no, it’s fine,” his words hit phil harder than anyone else’s. he’s been told for the past two years that he needs to marry dan, every time he brushes it off with a blush and sputters out a response, changing the subject once he’s embarrassed himself enough. it doesn’t make sense, mark is, what he lovingly calls, his “corona companion” and mark’s wife calls them “sober soulmates.” (dan calls them “friends who happen to share the same addiction and met through an AA group we don’t need these cutesy alliterations, phil,” but that just doesn’t roll off the tongue as well.)

 

mark is his best friend (don’t tell dan) and hearing it come from a best friend makes it all different.

 

“do you want to propose to him?” there's a meeting going on around them, there’s someone crying over alcohols, we’ve all been there, right? this isn’t the place to talk about marriage. 

 

words are lost in phil’s throat, so he nods. he wants to marry dan, he’s wanted to since he got home from getting his one year coin and he saw the look on dan’s face. he wants to get a dog with him, maybe children if they can. hopefully children. he imagines growing old with dan, being old with dan. he plans his day with his boyfriend in mind and there hasn’t been a day where he doesn’t think of him. 

 

so yeah, phil wants to marry dan. it’s real fucking gay.

 

“then do it. that’s how i got carol, and then we had connie,” mark smiles, patting phil’s shoulder. “you won’t regret it.”

 

phil knows he won’t. 

 

-

 

so he doesn’t regret his decision per say. the idea that he wants to get married has been in his (and frankly a lot of dirty minded people on the internet, yes you.) mind for years. even before dating him, he knew something was bound to happen. their getting together story sounds like it came straight out of a 14 year old’s mind for a fanfiction. 

 

what he does regret, however, is letting mark tell his second daughter about his decision.

 

nova, sweet little 5 year old, is his favorite. she’s always giving mark presents to give to phil, a ball of energy and happiness. this is mark’s reason for getting sober, and honestly, phil can see why.

 

the other reason for mark’s sobriety came when mark’s lovely wife, jessa, told him she was pregnant with their second. 9 months later and a lot of tears, they introduced to their world oakley. now 2, she talks nonstop, babbles about anything and everything that passes through her small brain.

 

nova can keep a secret. oakley cannot. 

 

jessa has invited them over for dinner, celebration of phil’s 3rd year and whatnot. nova took the opportunity to draw phil as a mighty knight, rescuing what he can only assume is dan dressed as a princess from the tower. instead of a dragon, there’s an ogre standing in his way. (he’s learned not to question nova’s drawings anymore.) she runs to him to give him the picture, and phil clutches it to his chest like it’s his most prized possession.

 

oakley starts talking about weddings. because she’s a little bundle of fucking joy, isn’t she?

 

“when are you getting married, ‘an?” oakley asks from where they’re playing. “where your ring?”

 

dan laughs it off, assuming it’s just because of her parents. “i don’t know, oaks. but you’ll be the first to know when we do, okay?”

 

(phil’s heart melts and he just wants to elope to las vegas and fill their house with dogs and children and even more dogs.)

 

this doesn’t seem to tame her. oakley throws the block she’s holding to the ground, wailing about dan needing a ring, screaming at phil to give him the ring. proper temper tantrum over dan and phil not being engaged. (honestly, mood) jessa swoops in for the rescue, telling them that she’s been watching  _ way _ too much  _ say yes to the dress _ and goes into the other room to calm oakley down more. 

 

“what’s  _ say yes to the dress _ ?” nova looks to her father, who pales. “we never watched that show.”

 

phil scratches the back of his neck, clearing his throat and telling a really bad joke that makes dan fond over him and (hopefully) forget about what just happened. 

 

mark texts him later to apologize for almost ruining the proposal and to also tell him that he had to teach nova what a lie was tonight. nova says she’ll help keep the secret, as long as she’s the ring bearer at the wedding. phil promises before falling asleep. 

 

-

 

_ the first time i saw you, running off the trains with a bright smile on your face, my heart whispered “that’s the one.” you’ve been the only one since.  _

 

**_step two: this is where you buy a ring. or ring pop. or get them an apple, since one a day keeps the doctor away. whatever suits your fancy._ **

 

the modern concept that we need to give people diamond rings as a sign of engagement came from an ad campaign de beers ran in the early 20th century. it claimed that, a diamond is forever, show your love for her by giving her a diamond ring. before then, people just got married, didn’t wear rings to signify that and were just, you know, married. 

 

diamonds are inherently worthless, anyway. de beers also controls most of the diamonds mines, thus holding a monopoly of the diamond business and can charge whatever the fuck they want. now, we associate marriage with diamonds rings and rings in general.

 

phil wishes to be thrusted back into time before this phenomenon, even if it means risking his life because he’s not straight.

 

“ring shopping is easy!” they say. “you’ll know the ring when you see it!”

 

pj has taken them to at least five different jewelry shops in the hunt for this “perfect ring,” and bitches the entire time. 

 

(nevermind the fact that going ring shopping  _ together, mate i can’t believe we’re doing this at the same time!!!  _ was all pj’s idea to begin with. his ass wants to marry sophia, it’s his own damn fault for being fucking picky.)

 

(if phil has to hear about how a diamond doesn’t twinkle like sophia’s eyes one more time, he’s going to actually murder him.)

 

it’s also pj’s fault because every time he thinks he’s found a ring for dan, he has to complain about it and telling him  _ it’s just not right, phil! _ choosing a ring is a solo effort, anyways. he doesn’t know why he agreed to going shopping together. especially since every time phil says that the ring pj’s picked is perfect, there’s something else wrong. 

 

they’re in the tube on their way to the sixth (FUCKING SIXTH) jewelry shop when phil’s phone buzzes.

 

**dan: what is taking so long? is peej on some magic quest to find the most perfect ring?**

 

phil laughs, ignoring the look pj gives him as he replies. not his fault if his friend is a grumpy asshole right now. 

 

**phil: yeah, we’re on our way to our sixth one**

 

**dan: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK**

 

**phil: how do you think i feel?**

 

“are you talking about me?” pj leans over to see what dan is typing. there’s no secrets to hide so phil lets him, that was until dan sent a very non advertiser friendly text and he jerks his phone away. “is this some kind of foreplay?” he asks through chuckles. 

 

phil is beat red and he kinda wants to die. “n-no, i think he’s just being a shit since he knows i’m with you.”

 

(dan is definitely not being a shit because he knows he’s with pj. phil finds this out when dan sends him a very classy picture of cum all over his stomach.

 

ring shopping can wait.)

 

-

 

the next time phil goes out shopping, it’s by himself with his mom by his side via text. he’s nervous, even with being publically out with their relationship, he doesn’t want anybody to know what’s going on. a fan (or fans) could spot him and ask him why dan isn’t with him or why he’s in a jewelry store. his hands shake for the first time in months, desperately trying to get phil to give in.

 

but he’s stronger now, so instead he goes to the store and chugs a red bull. 

 

which does not help because it’s red bull and red bull’s fucking disgusting. and you’re trash if you drink it. love yourself. 

 

he’s sick to his stomach as he goes into the first shop, regretting quickly that he didn’t just drink  _ water _ , you know, like a  _ normal person.  _ the devil’s can is in the garbage outside the shop, and he has to shove his hands in his pockets because the shaking is  _ worse  _ and god dammit,  _ he just wants to propose to dan.  _  why is it so hard for him to go out and buy a ring?

 

shop #1 can be summed up with the fact he booked it out of there and puked in the nearest bushes. he just prays that no fan saw him.

 

before going into shop #2, phil spreads himself out on a park bench, trying to stop sweating with a wobbly water bottle in his hands. he somehow managed to get it from a corner store before unceremoniously dropping into the nearest seat. at this point, all he cares about is getting home in one piece and not throwing any suspicion towards dan. he knows he’s nowhere near subtle, the amount of times that he’s tried to surprise dan and him figuring out way beforehand is much more than he’d rather admit to. 

 

out of the corner of his eye, he sees someone or somebodies approaching him. choosing his glasses today made his blind spots even blinder, if that’s possible. they’re out, have been out since he released his addiction video, but that’s not what he’s worried about. dan can deny it until the cows come home, but he still stalks their tags and reads fanfiction like some kind of sadomasochist. fans post about what they’re doing if they’re found out in public. he’s more worried about getting found out, on a bench outside of a fucking jewelry shop with no proper excuse for it. his mum’s birthday isn’t coming up, even if it were, he’s not buying her a necklace. 

 

luckily for him, they just seem to be passer bys, stopping long enough to say hello and be on their way. 

 

(he does learn later, from dan, that the people passing him were fans, but he looked sick enough that they didn’t want to bother him. there’s no mention of him being outside a ring shop, and when dan asks what could’ve made him sick, he just says red bull.

 

they both understand. red bull is shit.)

it takes another 15 minutes after this before phil feels well enough to get up and go into the shop. he’s been in it before, back on his first round of ring shopping. he didn’t get too far into the shop before his horny boyfriend interrupted everything and he had to leave. from the other ring shops, there’s not much in terms of an engagement ring for men. which is already problematic and he’s sure dan would rant about it if he were here. something about how heteronormative the global society still is even after how gay parliament and the us government have gotten. phil, like, agree with this, but he’s not going to complain about this in a shop where he’s trying to buy a ring.

 

it’s kind of rude, honestly. nobody wants to see an angry gay man.

 

he laments to just going to the men’s section for wedding bands, not one to make things even more awkward and honestly? he just wants a god damn ring to propose with. the rings available for men all look the same, there’s no variety and nothing screams out to him that’s just dan. it’s a sea of gold and silver bands, all waiting to finally live out their purpose and be around a man’s finger.

 

nothing catches his eye until he gets to the end of the case, a gold ring surrounded by silver. it’s different than all the other gold rings, there’s a glossy, reflective finish to it. there’s two lines running parallel on either side and phil can’t look away. it’s a cheesy rom com moment, a salesperson notices him staring, coming over to ask if he’d like to look at the ring. immediately, he nods, watching in awe as the man takes it out of the case and hands it over to phil. even with him holding it, the sheen doesn’t smudge, fingerprints aren’t left behind. it’s almost comical how lost for words phil is. 

 

“it’s perfect,” he mumbles, looking up to the man. “i think i’ll take this.”

 

the salesman smiles, taking the ring back from phil’s outreached hand and instructs him to follow him to the register.

 

-

 

**phil: so i got a** [ **ring** ](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/497225615093815765)

 

**pj: you went shopping without me?!**

 

**phil: a certain someone**

 

**phil: i won’t name any names**

 

**phil: pj ligouri**

 

**phil: kept making it harder to buy a ring. so i had to go and buy one myself.**

 

**pj: well, it is really pretty**

 

**phil: thank you, it only took me two shops this time**

 

**pj: since you broke the bro code and got an engagement ring without me, can i be your best man?**

 

-

 

_ give neither advice nor salt, until you are asked for it. that has nothing to do with anything, martyn’s a twat.  _

 

**_step three: for the love of god, do not listen to your brother when he tells you advice on how to propose. he’s straight, won’t get engaged to his own girlfriend, and honestly just needs to pay attention to his job._ **

 

it’s a rare time that phil is at their warehouse without dan. cornelia isn’t here either, she and dan are having their “lester free time.” according to cornelia, being around “you lester men is a strain on the psyche,” whatever that means. neither understands, but apparently martyn is taking this opportunity to talk engagements.

 

phil’s had the ring hiding in his bedside drawer, which hides in another boxer, which hides in another box. the middle box is locked, because he is really 10 and not 35, and he keeps the key around lion’s neck like a necklace. none of this is suspicious to dan, not even the fact that after over a decade of lion not having anything on him to suddenly having a necklace with a rather large, noncospitious key. it’s been there since he bought it, not long after celebrating 3 years of sobriety.

 

mark, pj, and nova are the only ones who know where it is. nova was unplanned, but the bribe of being the ring bearer at their wedding bought her silence. he hasn’t told martyn for  _ reasons _ , mainly being he thinks that just because he has like  _ a year  _ on him that qualifies him to give advice. on some things, yeah, martyn’s elder wisdom can be effective.

 

engagement is not one of them. especially since he’s been with cornelia since forever and, while it’s implied, the idea of spending the rest of their lives together has never been brought up. fucker hasn’t even bought a ring. 

 

“so when you propose to dan, you got to make sure it’s a scene to remember. go all out, take him up in a helicopter and do it there.”

 

“i don’t think you’re qualified to give me this advice,” phil says as he looks through their new merch. “all your reference points are cheesy rom coms full of heterosexual people.”

 

martyn rolls his eyes. “doesn’t mean i can’t help my little bro!”

 

“don’t call me bro. this isn’t an after school special.”

 

“why are you against me giving you advice? they say listen to your elders.”

 

“i’m sure ‘they’ can forgive me for not listening to my older brother who’s not even engaged or have even gotten a ring,” phil mumbles, putting the shirts into the box. 

 

“like you actually have,” martyn laughs.

 

phil loves his brother, he really does. he’s the only one he’s got and he’s glad they’re close unlike most siblings. but he wants to slap him in the face sometimes. 

 

“i have.”

 

“have not.”

 

“have, too, martyn.”

 

“have not, philip.”

 

“why would i lie about buying an engagement ring?!”

 

he shrugs. “seems like something you’d do.”

 

phil groans, fishing out his phone to find the picture of the ring. “i bought a ring,” he shoves the phone into his brother’s face. “went out and actually bought a nice fancy ring for  _ my boyfriend _ , which is more than you’ve done for corn dog.”

 

martyn still doesn’t seem convinced, taking his phone. he spends an embarrassingly long time staring at the photo, even going as far as to take phil’s glasses off his face to just lift them onto his head and squint at the screen. why would he lie about buying an engagement ring? you can even tell that he’s the one holding it in the picture. nobody else has pasty white hands like him.

 

“you bought a ring,” his brother finally says after lapsed silence. 

 

“i bought a ring,” he confirms, taking his phone back and sliding it back into his pocket.

 

“you’re getting engaged.”

 

“i’m getting engaged.”

 

“how long have you had it?” martyn sits down in his office chair, looking up to phil. he has a look of disbelief on his face, confusion knitting in his eyebrows. 

 

“not long after i hit 3 years.”

 

his brother sputters. “you’ve had it for a nearly a year?!”

 

“i haven’t figured out how to do it! i know he’d be happy with just a simple proposal in bed after i’ve made sweet, sweet steamy lo-“

 

“i fucking hate you for giving me that image.”

 

“ _ but  _ i want it to be more special than that. especially after all we’ve been through.”

 

martyn throws his hands up in frustration, apparently he’s already balls deep into the proposal plan despite just now finding out about it. he rubs his temples, sinking deeper into the chair. “why have you waited so long?”

 

honestly, he doesn’t know. there’s something that’s stopped him every time he’s wanted to. one night, it was on the couch during an anime binge, but he knew he wouldn’t forgive himself (nor would dan ever let it go) if he proposed while some sports anime is on in the background. 

 

another night, it was after sex. dan’s babbling off his orgasm, nails digging into his chest, wobbly arms trying to hold himself up. eventually, dan does collapse into his chest, mumbling incoherent words into the crook of his neck and phil really thought  _ this is it, i’m going to ask him. _ except the words never made it out of his mouth, he never made it over to lion to retrieve the key. dan fell asleep, the steady breaths against his shoulder and his dick still up his ass. it was the perfect time, if only dan stayed awake longer. 

 

there was the starbucks idea, but he didn’t want to make it a public scene. he knew dan would want to announce the engagement on their own terms, so doing it in view of strangers who could very well recognize and out them wasn’t on the table. he thought about getting a dog with  _ marry me?  _ around the collar, but that’s something he feels is too straight for him.

 

so, why hasn’t phil proposed to dan yet? because he has horrible timing, bad ideas, and can fuck the daylights out of his boyfriend. 

 

but he doesn’t voice this to martyn. instead, phil shrugs. “i guess nothing’s seemed like the right time.”

 

“you gotta do it soon.”

 

no, he doesn’t. “no, i don’t. we bought a house together. we even bought a  _ washing machine and dryer _ , we’re pretty serious, martyn.”

 

martyn raises his hands in defense, making an o with his mouth. “oh, my. a washing machine  _ and  _ a dryer?! somebody better tell mum that her baby boy is getting pretty serious.”

 

he throws a plushie at his brother. “shut up.”

 

-

 

they’re in an uber back and phil can’t stop thinking about his conversation with his brother. dan’s blathering on about his day with cornelia, all the things they almost bought and  _ we had this amazing cake, phil. i thought i was going to have an orgasm right there is the shop _ . phil can’t bring himself to actually  _ listen _ , per say. he nods along, giving the illusion of pay attention to avoid a fight (and possibly get sex) later on. dan gestures his hands wildly, because it’s just the way he is, phil’s hand going with it. at one point, he nearly knocks him in the nose. 

 

“what did you guys talk about?” dan’s hands finally settle, knocking phil’s knee with his own. 

 

“what?” his trance is broken, whatever thoughts he had vanished and he can’t remember what he had planned. 

 

“you and martyn? i know you guys didn’t just do business all day.”

 

he gives out a weak laugh, looking out the window for a moment. he hates when he has to lie to dan, especially after years and years of doing it when he was suffering. the guilt eats him alive and he always ends up confessing to his sins, but he knows this time he can’t. confessing means revealing his plans to marry dan and, yeah, it’s  _ implied _ that they’ll get married, that doesn’t mean he wants to keep it a surprise. 

 

“oh, you know. typical older brother stuff. he tried giving me advice,” which technically  _ isn’t  _ a lie, “and asked me when we’re gonna get married,” which  _ also  _ isn’t a lie. 

 

this makes dan laugh. “he asked when we were going to get married? us?”

 

phil nods, scared of what’s to come. “yeah, he just flat out asked me.”

 

“did you ask him when he’s gonna put a ring on cornelia?” dan giggles and phil’s anxiety is relieved tenfold. 

 

“yeah! i told him to get back to me when he gets engaged to cornelia.”

 

their laughter dies off as they reach their home, thanking the driver before getting out. they watch the car drive away, neither making a move to actually go inside. dan reaches out to grab phil’s hand, squeezing it lightly. 

 

“we’ll get married when we’re ready, yeah?”

 

dan looks at phil with the most earnest smile he’s seen in months, the setting sun hitting him just right that makes him look angelic. one of his dimples has popped out, and he’s just so fucking beautiful that he can’t believe this man’s the love of his life. he’s so in love with daniel howell. he’s going to marry this man.

 

phil squeezes his hand back, pulling him over to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

 

“we’ll get married when we’re ready.”

 

-

 

_ you’re not my number one, you’re my only one. you’re my good times and bad, you’re my moon and stars. i don’t think i can put in words how much i fucking love you. _

 

**step 4: you propose. put 2 and 2 together, get down on one knee, ask for a legal binding, and then maybe suck some dick later.**

 

after knowing someone for 14 years, dating them for nearly 6, you’d think phil would know that dan is a control freak sometimes. 

 

you would think. 

 

his 5 years of sobriety is coming up and phil suggested a party for this milestone. a full fledged party at their home, not real big but just big enough that they have their friends and martyn there. it’s a change of face after constant dinners out the past 3 years, and more importantly, phil’s finally going to fucking propose. 

 

i know, i’ve been waiting for this moment, too.

 

phil can’t take all the credit for the party cover, most of the credit goes to mark, the poor man, and nova. he listens to phil moan on and on about how he  _ really needs to propose to dan, fuck- i mean, shit- i mean, heck, why is it so hard?  _ while nova does her homework in the same room, hearing the same words and phrases leave phil’s mouth time and time again. 

 

she’s practically memorized them at this point. 

 

“phil,” mark mumbles, melting into the sofa, “why are you overthinking this? it’s just a proposal.”

 

“what did you do for mummy?” nova pops chime, pencil down from doing her maths. “didn’t you rent a boa-“

 

“the point is,” he’s quick to cover up the fact that he might’ve went overboard, “it’s dan. you guys have been together for years, and even longer before it was official. i’m sure he’d love it if you did it in the middle of cooking or something.”

 

phil’s phone keeps going off, between dan asking when he’ll be home and martyn asking if he’s “popped the question,” the near constant thrum of vibrations on his leg offer no reprieve from his anxiety. he knows he’s overthinking this, he knows that he could probably ask dan in the middle of a fight and still get a yes, but it’s supposed to be this magical moment in their lives. it’s overhyped, most likely from too much straight media, but phil knows that dan is a romantic sap at heart and wants a proposal to tell their children and their children’s children and, if they are to be that lucky, their children’s  _ children’s  _ children. 

 

“it’s hard to do homework when i can hear your brain all the way over here,” nova sighs, pushing herself away from the table. “just propose to dan so i don’t have to hear daddy complain about it anymore.”

 

he’s known this child since she was 5, now nearing 8, he feels like she’s more of an adult than he is. 

 

“novs, it’s not that simple. proposals are supposed to be special.”

 

she huffs at him, throwing herself in between her dad and phil. she can’t get loud angry, oakley is sleeping in the arm chair not far away, but she can get huffy “i’m fucking 8 with my own problems, phil. get your shit together, you’re almost 37 and you can’t figure out how to propose to your goddamn boyfriend even though we ALL know he’ll say yes” angry. 

 

“it can be that simple. propose to him!” nova throws her hands up in the air, groaning. “do it at the sober dinner this year, just  _ please _ , i want my dad to see me to uni.”

 

okay, phil knows he can be a  _ bit _ of a stresser,  _ he was an alcoholic for god's sake,  _ but he highly doubts that even with his worse woes now could kill mark. 

 

however, nova’s got a point. “that’s honestly not a bad idea,” he mumbles mostly to himself. 

 

mark and nova share matching exacerbated expressions. “you could’ve told him this a year ago and we wouldn’t be here now, dad.”

 

“shush,” mark elbows his daughter lightly. “why don’t we make it a party this year? change it up a bit.”

 

phil agrees to this notion, because why not? 5 years of sobriety is not something everyone can achieve, it deserves a proper celebration. he even suggested it take place at their house, and he and dan could coordinate the affair. 

 

this is problem number 1: throwing a party at their house.

 

the thing about having a house is that you’ve reached that level of Adult where you’re supposed to have your shit together. dan and phil do not have their shit together, yet they own a house. because of the upcoming party, dan has gone full  _ housewife  _ mode, complete with the apron and the maid outfit phil bought as a joke a year prior. the maid outfit does nothing to help dan clean the house faster, but apparently it’s “important” and “keep making fun of me, lester, and you won’t touch this ass for a month.”

 

whatever. 

 

a subset of problem number one is having to clean the entire house and then get yelled at if there’s a mess anywhere. they’re lucky they have yet to get a dog.

 

problem number 2: dan’s a goddamn control freak. 

 

once the house is clean, pristine, and lester sock free, dan calls phil to the table to discuss how everything should be arranged. what kinds of party food? are children coming? do they have entertainment for children? what about a main course? drinks?

 

(phil jokingly says they should get three cases of what used to be his go to beer. he slept on the couch that night.)

 

he even takes it a step further, harking back to when they made their first book, laying out all his idea pages  _ end to end _ , organized by room. phil comes home to a living room full of paper, a hand full of groceries, and a pacing dan howell in the kitchen. 

 

it’s just a party. a party that dan is unknowingly going to get engaged at, but a party nonetheless.

 

problem number 3: phil’s not ready.

 

he’s sending the invitations out, snail mail, the date of the party growing painfully closer and closer, he’s not ready. sure, nobody’s ready to propose, but really. he’s  _ not ready _ . all he has is a ring, an incredibly deep love for his boyfriend, and a dream of spending the rest of his life with him. people have speeches prepared, dances choreographed. phil has a ring. which is vital to proposing to someone, but he feels lost. 

 

when dan goes to bed on nights phil’s editing, he switches to youtube, headphones plugged in and volume low, and watches proposal compilations. sure, he has to delete his youtube  _ and _ internet history because he forgets incognito mode, but it’s the only thing keeping him sane at this point. 

 

dan has the party to worry about, phil has the proposal to worry about. let’s hope they can survive through the end of the night.

 

-

 

nova is sitting next to him while oakley’s on his lap, trying on his glasses to see how blind he really is. the party, as far as he can tell, is going great. the kids seemed to be entertained by phil while all the adults mingle with dan. occasionally, someone will come over to congratulate him, and he smiles before turning his attention back to the kids. oakley is getting better at her speech, talking about how her sister has the  _ coolest hair _ , not understanding how nova could hate it when she’s so pretty. the older sister scoffs, telling phil again that she doesn’t like the pale chinese stereotype, and they’re the same level of pale and he’s not even albino. 

 

oakley doesn’t care, her sister has white hair while she has black. her sister is just  _ cool _ . 

 

phil’s surprised nova knows about those stereotypes at a young age. 

 

“excuse me, ladies,” dan comes over and picks the 4 year old off phil’s lap. “is it okay if i borrow your throne for a second?”

 

oakley giggles and, god, he wants to have kids with dan as soon as they possibly can. he’d be such a great father. he gets lost in his head, only pulled out when a tug on his arm gets him off the couch. 

 

“c’mon, we’re going to make a toast.”

 

fuck. 

 

when they planned the party, dan wanted to make a toast to celebrate the accomplishment of 5 years, have people tell stories of how proud they are of phil, if anyone’s willing, and wish him more years in the future. being cheeky, he said they could put ginger ale in champagne glasses for everyone, and then, once all the rsvps were in, actually went out and bought ginger ale and champagne glasses for this reason. 

 

phil decided this is when he should do the proposal, since nobody would want to leave before the toast. he regrets this decision because now the moment is here and he kind of wants to die. the box is burning against his thigh in his pocket, something that isn’t very easy to hide in jeans, and he can feel his hands start to shake.

 

“babe, you have nothing to be nervous about. it’s just a toast.”

 

yeah, it’s just a toast to you. to phil, he’s about to ask you the biggest question of their lives thus far. 

 

everything seems to be going slow and fast at the same time, the walk over to the rest of the party feels like molasses, but the moment is coming too quickly. his palm is getting sweaty, he has to ball up his free hand so it doesn’t visibly shake as bad. this is what buying the ring is meant for, and he rather have not gotten the ring at all. 

 

they make it over to the crowd with no incident, the children in tow since they know what’s about to go down. namely, nova couldn’t keep her mouth shut. whispered in hushed tones to the only other children there, she told them that phil was going to propose. darcy was overjoyed, her whole life was spent watching her two favorite people be so in love that the fact this is happening made her want to explode. pearl doesn’t remember a time they weren’t together, as does oakley, but their enthusum doesn’t waver. their other dads are going to get married, that’s all that’s important. 

 

dan does the poshest thing, grabbing a flute of ginger ale and tapping a knife against it to grab everyone’s attention. he notices now that everyone, including the four small humans, have matching flutes, and, oh, he does, too. funny how things work. 

 

“i want to propose,”  _ seriously, “ _ a toast to phil. as you all know, he’s 5 years sober as of today. i’m so proud of him and everything’s he’s accomplished in life, i love you very much,” he leans over and kisses phil’s cheek, the kids fake puking in disgust. “so a toast to phil lester and his 5 years of sobriety. here’s to many more.”

 

the room fills with glass clinks and  _ salud _ ’s, and phil can feel his nerves getting more and more wired. dan’s hand is in his and it’s really the only thing that’s stopping him from exploding. 

 

“did you want to say something, phil?”

 

shut up, dan. 

 

he nods, clearing his throat as he looks around the room. this is happening, this is real. he can’t fuck it up. 

 

well, here goes nothing. 

 

“i want to thank everyone for coming out to help us celebrate. none of you had to, but you all did and i’m honestly thankful for every one of you. thank you so much for helping me get to this point, not everyone makes it and it never seemed like i was going to ever defeat my addiction,” dan squeezes phil’s hand, a smile dancing on his lips. “thank you especially to dan, he’s the reason why this party has gone on without a hitch. he’s been there through everything and i honestly can’t believe that i’ve managed to snag a boyfriend like him.”  
  
this is it.   
  
“which is why,” phil shakes his hand out of dan’s grip, sets the empty flute on the table, and gets down on one knee. he can hear gasps all around the room, high pitched squeals, and he can’t wait to see dan’s face if only he can get the god fucking ring out of his pocket. it takes an embarrassingly long time for the box to come out, and phil’s glad he decided to do this now rather than before the question. he hears _of course this happens to you_ above him from dan and he smiles, finally getting the box out. “sorry about that, love.”  
  
the room breaks into soft laughter, making his nerves flit away.   
  
“the first time i saw you, running off the train with a bright smile on your face, my heart whispered, ‘ _that’s_ _the_ _one_.’  you’ve been the only one since. it took us years to even get together, and i won’t share the details of what happened. but if i had to go back, knowing what i know now, i think i’d still go through the suffering of my addiction, if it meant i’d still get to be with you. you’re the reason why i tried to even fight against it. my recovery came first so that everything i love in life does not have to come last. you’re the only reason i’m alive right now. if you hadn’t intervened, none of us would be here. i’m so thankful everyday that you did because that means i get to wake up next to you. i get to have a life with you.   
  
“i’m not one for theatrics, that’s more your thing, but i read a quote somewhere that really helped me. _give neither advice nor salt, until you are asked for it_ ,” the room laughs, and phil does, too. “i’m kidding. that has nothing to do with anything. martyn’s a twat for giving me proposal advice when he hasn’t even gotten engaged.”   
  
dan’s teary eyed by now, an arm wrapped around his stomach while the other is wiping away at his eyes. he laughs at this, because this is happening and this is his phil, _his_ _phil_ , and nothing seems to be real anymore.   
  
“we’ve built this life together before we even had our first kiss, everyone saw that we were meant to be before we had the idea. even with all my pitfalls, you stayed. all my relapses, all the hospitalizations and therapy sessions. i couldn’t believe we hadn’t broken up every time it seemed to be at the toughest point. i’m truly lucky to have found you, even if you were the one who found me first.”  
  
dan’s full on crying at this point, and if he looked to his friends, probably so is louise and, honestly? everyone else. he hadn’t meant for this to get so sappy, but it’s his nature. he deserves to get sappy over this.   
  
“you’re not my number one, you’re my only one. you’re my good times and bad, you’re my moon and stars. i don’t think i can put in words how much i fucking love you, pardon my language. any censored version of the word didn’t seem to have the right kick to it. so, dan, after all of the crap we’ve gone through, will you marry me?”  
  
everyone gasps like it’s some plot twist, like this wasn’t going to end in proposal at this point. phil opens the box to reveal the ring, the one lion has been safeguarding for the past 2 years, and he’s honestly trying not to cry. dan has his mouth covered, his body shaking from crying, and he can barely get out the yes everyone knew was coming. at first, phil didn’t know what the answer was truly, but dan opens his arms and starts nodding, he knows he’s got a _fiancé_ now. he gets up off the ground, pulling dan into the hug, while everyone cheers around them.   
  
“you fucking prat,” dan mumbles into phil’s ear. “i can’t believe you did all this.”  
  
they pull away, phil slides the ring on dan’s hand and it all seems so official now. his brother is recording a video, probably to send to their parents, while louise is taking pictures of the excitement. dan grabs phil’s face and pulls him in for a kiss and he knows, absolutely, 100% knows, that sobriety is worth it and then some.   
  
(louise gets a picture of them kissing at the party, post engagement. dan’s hands are cradling phil’s face, ring on full display and has a glint to it. she sends it to him, saying that they need to get this framed.   
  
he does, eventually, and goes a step further.  
  
a post on instagram with the caption _meet the howlters_.) 

 

[(cetstb playlist.)](https://open.spotify.com/user/12139319072/playlist/2yVsRMqv8CcJWsBzu08TMr)

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me about anything on tumblr @ astronomerhxwell


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